Originally published 7/26/2024
Neurodivergent girls and women often struggle with emotional regulation, which is a fancy way of saying the ability to handle difficult thoughts and emotions.
Our emotions come from our thoughts, and our thoughts can jump really fast to extreme conclusions. That makes our feelings super strong, and we can end up overreacting. For example, when you get a negative comment on a test, you might quickly think that you always forget things, then get angry at your teacher for pointing it out and making you feel bad. Or if you no longer need help somewhere, you might automatically think you must have done something wrong and ask the people you love for reassurance over and over.
It may be challenging, but with practice, we can learn to control our thoughts better so our emotions don’t get so intense, and we can respond instead of react to the situation. Here are a few simple steps you can practice, taken from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, that work for me:
- Plan. Explore what situations make your emotions intense and the thoughts that lead to those emotions. Then, you can plan the best strategies to use in that situation and make sure you have what you need with you (like headphones). A therapist can be helpful with this process.
- Remove yourself from the situation. If you feel like you’re about to overreact, step away. Have a list of quick coping skills you can use to figure out how to respond in the best way. My top two are meditating and listening to a song. I have a specific playlist for this purpose labeled “calm.” Some people find splashing themselves with hot water or doing a few minutes of intense exercise helps.
- Give yourself time to think. Give yourself time to come up with the right solution to the problem before going back into the situation. If you can, distract yourself for a few minutes. Have some go‑to distractions ready. I like to talk to my parents or friends about something unrelated to the problem or watch a short TV episode.
Learning new skills is challenging, but I believe in you.